"My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations" -John Green
So ayun, nabubulok na ako dito sa bahay. Idk kung matutuwa ba ako na babalik na ako ng elbi or malulungkot. Sana naman eh di ganun kalaki damages ni Glenda. Sana buhay pa clothes ko and notes ko huhu. Pero most of all, sana may mapatawad na ako. I hate thiz
I don’t know where to start. Sa dami ng gusto kong sabihin sayo, nawala na lahat. Siguro ganto na lang, gihigugma tika. Always have, always will. I always believe that a person cannot unlove someone or something. Parang energy lang yan, di nawawala. Naco-convert lang sa ibang klase ng love.
Di ka din naman mahirap mahalin eh. Mahirap ka lang pakisamahan. Mahirap kang intindihin. But once we do get along, and once I do understand you, I fall. I fall helplessly in you. The feeling is like diving into the ocean, going deeper and deeper. The beauty beneath the surface is breath-taking. That kind where you don’t even mind that you’re drowning. And I’ve drowned in you so many times. I didn’t mind.
I’ve always been careful in choosing the people to trust. And I chose you because I love you. I gave my everything. Such a shame you didn’t and won’t give it back, nor did you make me feel I was something. Of course, sinasabi mo but hearing it is different from feeling it. At least when you feel something, you know it’s pure and honest and raw.
I’m not blaming you for everything. I know I also had my flaws. And I’m sorry for those flaws. But now I’m broken. Broken by you.
I still don’t know the reason why God made you happen to me. But I do have two theories: it’s either you’re my soulmate and my forever (cheesy) or you’re a lesson I learned the hard way. I’m guessing it’s the latter one.
But either way, it doesn’t matter now. You’re a part of my past now. There should be no looking back. The hard thing? When school starts I’m gonna see you for sure on a daily basis. And I don’t know how to move on given that situation. My only option now is to become an ice queen (oh yeah).
Hanggang sa muli,
I have never thought hearing those words could be so painful. I hate the fact that I constantly disappoint people. Worse, without even knowing. I blame my fucked up mind, for being so fucked up; I blame my heart for being so cold yet so naive at the same time; but mostly, I blame myself for sucking out the best out of myself and of other people. I never fail to bring out the monsters in everyone. But the worst part of it all is that hearing the person you love say that he still hopes to be with someone from his past even though you’re right there for him is just like having a grenade explode inside my heart. And that’s just sad. And all I could ever do now is just pretend to be strong and try SO hard to make things work. I don’t have any other choice. I just want to make things work. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.